Precious child

A friend of mine posted something on facebook about stepping out and doing something out of her comfort zone, all because the Lord told her to. She then posted the verse Isaiah 41:10. Without looking up the verse I posted, "Here I am Lord, send me," and asked if she was going on a mission trip.
It just so happened that Michael came home wearing one of his Nicaragua T-shirt with that verse on it, "Here I am Lord, send me." However it was Isaiah 6:8b. I realized that I had the references wrong. Knowing that 41:10 sounded familiar, I asked Michael, "Well then, what is Isaiah 41:10?" Not even knowing that she was listening to our conversation, Lila chimed in and said, "Isaiah 41:10 was my bible verse in jungle journey!" So I asked her to tell me what it says. "So, do not fear for I am with you" she told us. I'm pretty sure this was her verse the 2nd week in June. Oh this precious child. What a sweet kiss from Jesus. I pray she continues to hide God's word in her heart always.
On another note, the Friday after VBS at church, she was telling my mom what she had learned. Out of all the lessons, she chose to tell her, "God gives us gifts and he is going to give me a baby sister." This was one week after my D&C, so you can imagine the pain in my heart. SIGH!
At dinner tonight, we sat outside on our deck around the patio table. We have 6 chairs and the one on the end was empty. Lila said, "When you have my baby sister you will have 4 kids and she can sit in that chair." Oh, my sweet sweet precious child. I had to write down the sweet memories, although I'm pretty sure I will never forget!

Why NOT Me?

For the past 2 weeks I have been asking myself, "WHY Me? Why Me, God?"
But really, Why NOT me? After a discussion about the fact that bad things do happen to good people, a friend in Sunday School reminded me of this. I have to remember I am already given so much more than I deserve.

It has been 56 days since I saw this:


Surprised?: YES
Freaked out? a little
In love: immediately

Plans were made. A possible new car, room rearrangements, name ideas, preparing little hearts.
Dreams were formed. Blonde hair?, Brown eyes?, Boy or Girl?, Doctor or Missionary?

But then, no heartbeat.
Dreams were shattered. Hearts were broken. Too many Dr.'s and hosptial visits.
And now....attempting to move on.

Yes, we've been through this before, but the 3rd time is NOT a charm.
Emotionally, this has been the hardest yet.

I put on a happy face and go on, because it WILL be ok. I know that. Yet still, it just plain ole stinks.

Too many thoughts of why and how are spinning around.

I feel guilty because I do get pregnant so easily. I know too many people who just want a baby, and just once, they want to see that positive sign. I have 3 healthy, beautiful, smart, amazing children, and for that, I am more than thankful. We are so incredibly blessed!!!

But all I am thinking of right now is that is should be me posting that ultrasound picture on FB. It should be me posting that video of the kids announcement, doing the cheer they practiced for. "Hey, Hey, What do you say? Number 4 is on the way!"

But I am not. And it stinks.
But, I know he has a plan. He has a plan for me and our 3 beautiful children we have here and our 3 precious children in heaven.

Things could be SO SO SO much worse, so I feel bad for complaining about this.
So, my attitude from now on is not going to be, "Why me?", but "Why not me?"

The Lord never said it would be easy......

SOOO Silly

G: Where we Gooooo-in?
Me: To Chandra's.
L: Is Justin going to be there?
Me: Yes, he will be there.
L: Oh yea! Justin will be there. He is SOOO silly!!
G: Yeah, he is so silly.
L: He is silly, just like Uncle Clint is silly, and PopPop is silly.
G: and Grandmother is sil-lay
L: Uuuuhhhhh, no she's not!

Hahahaha! Sorry Grandmother.

Back to middle school

I love this goofy boy!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conqu’rors we are!
His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

School's Out.... FOR SUMMER!

I know that most parents are dreading having their children home all summer, but not me. Don't get me wrong, I know there will be days that they are bouncing off the walls and I am going bonkers, BUT for today, I am excited! I am pretty sure that I am the only crazy mom who picked her kids up early from the last day of school. I am also pretty sure that I was the last one to drop them off...however that is nothing new. I use to rush around like a crazy person trying to get out the door, (sometimes I still do) and I just decided that this year, with having a new baby, that it was not worth it. So what if I am 15 minutes late? It just cuts into my me time more than anything. I might as well enjoy it now because I can't really be late when they start "BIG" school. SIGH!
We have a few traditions on our way to school. Besides checking out where all the kids (goats), cows, and horses are, and wondering why the bulldozer that has been in the same spot in the middle of the field for months is taking such a LONG nap, and squealing and clapping for the same train track that we go over every day, and counting how many tractors and lawnmowers we see, and pointing out friend's neighborhoods, and our old Dr's office, and ballet, and my office, and count the school buses....So besides those things, we say a prayer for their day, and then we go down the BIG hill if the trailer is out of the way. We sometimes break the rules, and go UP the Big Hill if it is clear....sshhhh.
These are sweet precious times together, but I am looking forward to even more sweet precious times together this summer. Hopefully I will have time to sit and read them a book at breakfast, or do fun arts and crafts, or just play outside without really having to get dressed and ready. We can stay up late and hopefully(prayerfully)sleep in.
I am so thankful for our wonderful MDO program and for all that my children have learned this year. I am thankful for teachers who have gone above and beyond in teaching my children. I love them like my family and have become quite attached to them. (They will probably be glad to not have to deal with this scatterbrained momma, but I am super sad to be leaving them.) I am thankful for teachers who love on my children and think that that are as sweet, funny, and smart as I do. Well...even if they don't REALLY think that, they make me think that, and with that I am AOK! :)
Here are my kiddos and their teachers on the last day of school: sniff!
Lila and Miss Rachell

"I good for Miss Fawis!"

Chicken nugget????

**Note: WARNING...do not read if a discussion of bodily functions grosses you out or if you do not like the term "Poopy"**
G: Lila, what are you doing?
L: Im trying to get my poop out Graham. Here, let's sing Push it out. Ready...Push it out push it out...WAY out. (To the tune of the cheer, push em back.)
ALL together now several times. Push it out PUsh it out...WAAAYY out.
L: YAY, I got it out! Good job Graham. Good job Buddy. We sang Push it out and my poopy came out.
G: What kind of poopy is it Lila? Is is Chicken Nugget Poopy?
L: I don't know Graham, I can't see it yet.
G: Do we eat the chicken nugget poopy?
L: No Graham! it's poopy. We don't eat it. Mommy...what kind of poopy do I have? Graham and I sang Push it out and my poopy came out!

Lord help me. I went to grab my video camera just to record their conversation, so I missed part of it, but REALLY!?!?! My kids have been obsessed with naming their waste lately. So far we have ice cream poopy, chicken nugget poopy, green bean poopy. Oh, I can't even think of them all. I just know that this momma has had to deal with more poopy than I care for!

I know yall are lovin' the fact that I haven't posted in months and that this is what I start back with!

Today

For months, I have been saying, I need to post this, blog about that, etc. etc., and obviously, it just never happens. I spend too much time trying to make sure I get the right pictures and come up with the perfect story, that I end up not posting at all. So, instead of trying to constantly backtrack and never get anywhere, I am just going to wing it and start with this morning. Speaking of pictures...does anyone know a faster way to upload photos on here? I guess with the resolution on my camera being high, it takes forever....yet another excuse as to why I haven't blogged. HELP!

People are constantly asking me what we have been doing. Honestly, I don't know.
What I DO know is that we stay super busy, even if I don't have a lot to show for it.
Right now, the big kids have thrown all the pillows in the floor and are jumping off of the couch. Lila is the Grandmother and Graham is playing Pop Pop! I love their imagination.
Little G is hanging out in the floor occasionaly playing with a toy, but mainly has his eyes fixed on his older siblings.
I am thankful that things are going much smoother now, because about 1 hour ago, my three year old was acting...well 3! She really is a sweet girl who for the most part does what I asks. However, last night and this morning have been a different story. I am chalking it up to not enough sleep. She is like her momma and VERY emotional and quite a bear after going so long without good rest. After several bouts of her trying to tell mommy what to do(another way she is like her momma...UHOH!), I decided she needed to have some quiet time in her room by herself and she was not to get out of her bed. We discussed that this week especially, we are to show our love for each other and not argue. I told her once again that if her feet were to touch the carpet and that I found she got out of her bed, she would get a spanking. Let's just say that what I am going to tell you that happened next, made me FEAR the teenage years! I brought her door almost all the way closed, but I could still see the through the crack. I watched her sit up and grab her comforter. I thought she was going to cover herself up. Nope. She took it and slid it off the bed and made it go out as far as it would onto the floor. She then slid herself down and walked only on the comforter. LORD help me!!!
I stood there frozen with my mouth wide open. Part of me wanted to grab my video camera and I admit, I actually kind of chuckled. Instead, I calmly walked back in and unfortunately had to give her her spank. I am hoping that I can look back and laugh at this! For now, let's just go get through the rest of the day! :)