But really, Why NOT me? After a discussion about the fact that bad things do happen to good people, a friend in Sunday School reminded me of this. I have to remember I am already given so much more than I deserve.
It has been 56 days since I saw this:
Surprised?: YES
Freaked out? a little
In love: immediately
Plans were made. A possible new car, room rearrangements, name ideas, preparing little hearts.
Dreams were formed. Blonde hair?, Brown eyes?, Boy or Girl?, Doctor or Missionary?
But then, no heartbeat.
Dreams were shattered. Hearts were broken. Too many Dr.'s and hosptial visits.
And now....attempting to move on.
Yes, we've been through this before, but the 3rd time is NOT a charm.
Emotionally, this has been the hardest yet.
I put on a happy face and go on, because it WILL be ok. I know that. Yet still, it just plain ole stinks.
Too many thoughts of why and how are spinning around.
I feel guilty because I do get pregnant so easily. I know too many people who just want a baby, and just once, they want to see that positive sign. I have 3 healthy, beautiful, smart, amazing children, and for that, I am more than thankful. We are so incredibly blessed!!!
But all I am thinking of right now is that is should be me posting that ultrasound picture on FB. It should be me posting that video of the kids announcement, doing the cheer they practiced for. "Hey, Hey, What do you say? Number 4 is on the way!"
But I am not. And it stinks.
But, I know he has a plan. He has a plan for me and our 3 beautiful children we have here and our 3 precious children in heaven.
Things could be SO SO SO much worse, so I feel bad for complaining about this.
So, my attitude from now on is not going to be, "Why me?", but "Why not me?"
The Lord never said it would be easy......
