Precious child

A friend of mine posted something on facebook about stepping out and doing something out of her comfort zone, all because the Lord told her to. She then posted the verse Isaiah 41:10. Without looking up the verse I posted, "Here I am Lord, send me," and asked if she was going on a mission trip.
It just so happened that Michael came home wearing one of his Nicaragua T-shirt with that verse on it, "Here I am Lord, send me." However it was Isaiah 6:8b. I realized that I had the references wrong. Knowing that 41:10 sounded familiar, I asked Michael, "Well then, what is Isaiah 41:10?" Not even knowing that she was listening to our conversation, Lila chimed in and said, "Isaiah 41:10 was my bible verse in jungle journey!" So I asked her to tell me what it says. "So, do not fear for I am with you" she told us. I'm pretty sure this was her verse the 2nd week in June. Oh this precious child. What a sweet kiss from Jesus. I pray she continues to hide God's word in her heart always.
On another note, the Friday after VBS at church, she was telling my mom what she had learned. Out of all the lessons, she chose to tell her, "God gives us gifts and he is going to give me a baby sister." This was one week after my D&C, so you can imagine the pain in my heart. SIGH!
At dinner tonight, we sat outside on our deck around the patio table. We have 6 chairs and the one on the end was empty. Lila said, "When you have my baby sister you will have 4 kids and she can sit in that chair." Oh, my sweet sweet precious child. I had to write down the sweet memories, although I'm pretty sure I will never forget!

Why NOT Me?

For the past 2 weeks I have been asking myself, "WHY Me? Why Me, God?"
But really, Why NOT me? After a discussion about the fact that bad things do happen to good people, a friend in Sunday School reminded me of this. I have to remember I am already given so much more than I deserve.

It has been 56 days since I saw this:


Surprised?: YES
Freaked out? a little
In love: immediately

Plans were made. A possible new car, room rearrangements, name ideas, preparing little hearts.
Dreams were formed. Blonde hair?, Brown eyes?, Boy or Girl?, Doctor or Missionary?

But then, no heartbeat.
Dreams were shattered. Hearts were broken. Too many Dr.'s and hosptial visits.
And now....attempting to move on.

Yes, we've been through this before, but the 3rd time is NOT a charm.
Emotionally, this has been the hardest yet.

I put on a happy face and go on, because it WILL be ok. I know that. Yet still, it just plain ole stinks.

Too many thoughts of why and how are spinning around.

I feel guilty because I do get pregnant so easily. I know too many people who just want a baby, and just once, they want to see that positive sign. I have 3 healthy, beautiful, smart, amazing children, and for that, I am more than thankful. We are so incredibly blessed!!!

But all I am thinking of right now is that is should be me posting that ultrasound picture on FB. It should be me posting that video of the kids announcement, doing the cheer they practiced for. "Hey, Hey, What do you say? Number 4 is on the way!"

But I am not. And it stinks.
But, I know he has a plan. He has a plan for me and our 3 beautiful children we have here and our 3 precious children in heaven.

Things could be SO SO SO much worse, so I feel bad for complaining about this.
So, my attitude from now on is not going to be, "Why me?", but "Why not me?"

The Lord never said it would be easy......

SOOO Silly

G: Where we Gooooo-in?
Me: To Chandra's.
L: Is Justin going to be there?
Me: Yes, he will be there.
L: Oh yea! Justin will be there. He is SOOO silly!!
G: Yeah, he is so silly.
L: He is silly, just like Uncle Clint is silly, and PopPop is silly.
G: and Grandmother is sil-lay
L: Uuuuhhhhh, no she's not!

Hahahaha! Sorry Grandmother.